The scene

I can see a business, a lab, a database. Teams of people who go out to crime scenes and collect and process the information for the city, state, county across the country. The depts. Would pay a flat fee to have everything done. We would be on-call. Crime happens we can be there. We are not trying to solve the crime, just collect evidence. The results would have weight in court because its a non partial 3rd party team. The people would be paid through..... Nonprofit donations? The lab would be state of the art. The database would be all unsolved crimes. It will be the largest database available for cross referencing crimes. Depts pay a yearly access fee. There are levels of access. No crime scene photos available to the public. Active cases will have certain evidence withheld from everyone. We will advocate for non violent offenders to be freed from prison/jail. We will have advocates for people who suffer at the hands of police brutality. We will offer real time adrenaline training  for officers.

Crime and Money

I recently read that there are 3000 rape kits in Kentucky that have not been processed. Why? Because there is not enough money to run the tests. No labs do it for free. There are cases that sit for years before being processed because there is a backlog of cases and evidence to go through. Why? Because there is not enough money for more labs? People get wrongfully convicted of crimes, because evidence wasn't ran through testing. Why? Because the police department didn't have the money. Small towns have crimes committed, they don't have crime scene techs, criminalists, photographers to take process the crime. People go free, people live in fear. Crimes go unsolved. This is not OK.

Change in me, changes the world

As I sit and contemplate the meaning of life and why I am here; I can hear my soul calling to me in the distance. I can see my soul trying to communicate with me but the voices in my head are drowning her out. She is trying to tell me something important. My soul and I have always known each other, but we have never sat down, body to soul and talked. I'm sure she knows alot more than I do. I miss her and want her to be closer to me. What is she trying to tell me? Why can't the voices be quiet? I am trying to understand her hand motions, I'm trying to read her lips. She is shouting. At times I think I can hear what she said. I go back to life and attempt to live it. But it doesn't seem quite right. As I sit here and contemplate the meaning of life. I feel more urgency to communicate with her. She is getting frustrated with me for not hearing her. As I stand here at the waters edge of my mind, she stands on the other side of the pond. The wind is blowing, and the sun is starting to set. Can you tell what she is trying to say?

My list continued

I want to write and captivate peoples attention. I want to own businesses. I want to own rental property and provide gardens for all the tenants.

What to do

There are so many interests and paths that I want to pursue. I know I want to give more. I want to have an impact on people's lives ( in a good way of course). I want to feel passionate about what I'm doing. I want to be physically present in the work. I want something that gives me freedom, and flexibility. Not just time freedom, but financial freedom too. I need to have purpose in what I'm doing. There are many pursuits that interest me. I would love to go back to school and become a criminalist. I would love to run a day care or overnight care. I would love to chronicle unsolved crimes into a cohesive database. I would love to have an acting role in a TV show. I would love to help people change their lives by guiding them in healthier living (after I concur this myself). I want to be a ER nurse. I want to be a stay at home mom. I want to make a difference. I want to travel and see the beauty of the world.

The lonely day at work

I recently changed departments at my job. The new position is at a desk, with a window. When I started in the new position, there was another person there. Now she is gone, and there is only me. I am not used to this lack of human contact and interaction.

The mom in me

I am always intrigued by the idea and reality of perception. I know that when we (people in general) see a tree, we all see a tree. But was is amazing is how everybody's past experiences, knowledge, judgements and thought paths all make a difference when you sit down with each person and get a different description, or feeling about the tree. Any way...I want to be a home with my kids, and I know that people looking a me from the outside feel that I should be more accepting and OK, happy, pleased appreciative, and thankful for where I am at. Full time job, no weekends or nights, benefits, happy kids, a car. How do I explain to someone that it was me who created all of my success and of course I am happy about it....but the person down the street, who gets to stay at home with her kids, doesn't have a job, lives in a bigger place than me, gets to buy better higher quality food than me... And here I am paying someone else to raise my kids. Is OK to stomp my foot and say "not fair!" In my most whiny voice ever. How do I get to have what the person down the street has? I want to be home with my babies... And they are almost too big to call babies. Why do I have to work so hard and have a less fulfilling life than the person down the street without the job? At home with the kiddos, teaching, and raising them how they want not how the babysitter wants. When I say I want more, what I really mean is I want more fulfillment. #frinkenomics101

Heartache for others

Over the last few weeks the stories on the new have increased about refugees trying to leave Syria. The photos and stories that accompany these news broadcasts are heartbreaking. These are people just like us; with homes and jobs and families. If this was us we would be fleeing to Canada, or further...the Russian tundra, Mexico, or the Caribbean islands. I can't help but cry when I think about how these refugees are feeling and what they are being forced to experience. The death of the boy washed onto shore; his parents crying in the photos, the family that dove in front of the train to avoid the refugee camp. This is so heartbreaking. What can I do to help these people who have nothing, because they had to run from their or die.

The What of Me

I have finally decided to do/write my thoughts and ideas down. I tend to be the one that smiles and gives a nod and a chuckle when people are voicing their opinions, judgements or thoughts. My reaction is always the same. A wry chuckle a slight acknowledgement nod and thats it. I am not the one to say my side or differing opinion. Mainly because I truly feel that people have a right to their own thoughts. I do not try to argue my judgement or opinion because I know we both have our own perspective. Our lives are filtered through different lens. But as I go through life feeling somewhat alone in my thoughts, I feel like this will be a good platform for me to share my thoughts. I could have written in a journal, but that really is writing to yourself. At least this way I know there is a slight possibility someone might stumble across this in the maze of the internet..... But probably not.