Gardening in Life

As I continue to sort through ideas and dreams of me, I have unearthed some interesting finds. My love of horses never ended. I feel the land we live in is corrupt, and deviating from the paved road could ultimately and quickly end in death or worse, suffering. Not just me but my kids. I want to promote a life of happiness, but I am finding the paved road doesn't always allow for this. Can I find a dirt road that runs along side the main road? I am not prepared, nor do I want to wander off into the jungle of life in the complete unknown, and drag my children with me; only to find more evil hiding in the depths of the trees and plants. I continue to stare at my phone as if Google will actually have an answer for me. Though Google has armed me with knowledge that I would not otherwise have. Is my life path about fighting? Or learning? Or educating? Or helping? Or changing? To take on all of them feels daunting. I want all of these to start with my children. I need to be with them not just around them. I need to teach them not just show them. I want to play with them not just watch them. I will plant this seed and cultivate it with time and energy. I need this for me too, and my inner me, too. This seed has been planted but not cultivated properly. I need to learn the art of cultivation. I feel like I'm back at the beginning. Frustrated because I don't have the time, too many bills to quit my job, not enough money to provide experiences for my kids, that I don't have the time to provide. There must be a gardening step in here somewhere that I am missing, either that or I'm trying to over water the violet and starve the rhododendron. I guess before I plant seeds and cultivate stuff, I need to figure out what seeds I'm planting and what they need to grow. And I can't plant desert seeds right next to rainforest seeds. I'm so lost in the gardening world right now; I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. This is #frinkenomics101