Dreams Without a Plan

I have been given alot of advice recently in regards to taking steps in to my unknown future. I have been been told I need to look internally and make changes in my self before anything good will happen outwardly. I have been told I need to focus on exactly what I want in the future so that I will bring those things to my present. I have been told to explore all of my interests and pursue those things, and that is where the future lies. I have been told to step back and watch my thoughts and emotions go by and examine what they mean and do. I have come to realize that I am the keeper of me. I am the designer of my future and the future of my children and family. What do I want to build? How do I build it? What have I built so far?
   I built my present out of the "plan of necessity." My original plan was built of dreams. I dreamed of a life fighting crime and solving mysteries. I dreamed without a plan to get there. I dreamed of being there, without thought of How I was going to get there. I did not prepare my mind, body or soul for the journey, the arrival nor the failure to execute the dream. It was a staunch reminder that I lacked the tools of knowledge to build the paths to my dreams. I eventually gave up on the dream of FBI and profiling, and mystery solving. I stopped dreaming. I felt like I was in a giant ocean treading water. As I started to learn about finances, and bills I realized I had very few skills needed to get a "successful" job. I wanted to be rich, partly to prove I was as good at life as I had thought I was, and to be able to help others in a way I could not; all I had was my time to give others and that was in short supply. As I treaded water in the sea of life, things floated by that I grabbed a hold of. Each thing that floated by, and I grabbed a hold of, taught me something. I finally came upon something big enough to pull me out of the water. I couldn't let it float past me. I was exhausted from the search and the treading water. This boat was nursing school. It brought to where I am today. A good job, with benefits, that requires skill and knowledge. Four years have passed, and now I am tired of being on this floating boat in the middle of the ocean. Being on this boat was not a dream it was a necessity. I'm still one wave away from being in the ocean again; this time with my kids, which is an even scarier prospect. Now when I dream it is scattered and without sincerity. I can't tell the difference between the dreams of being off this boat, and the dreams of me. They are all jumbled together.
    I still dream of being rich, not as much to prove something, and more to be able to have the means to help people in a way that I cannot right now.