Questions on Life

I feel like I am in static inaction. I am enjoying the little moments, yet my thoughts and energy are off in the ethers of the unknown. I am surrounded by movement and decision making and learning, yet the idea of movement is unappealing to me. I have sunk into inaction, into my thoughts and emotions, lifes heartaches and the unknown future. Here is the reality of it. My skin is broken out, I am out of shape and I feel stuck in my apartment. My care for my self has declined to almost nothing. Why cant I take care of me? Put myself first? not in wants but in needs. I feel like I am not providing anything to the world. I  feel like I am imaginary at work, people walk past me, plan events, as though I am not even there. I know it is not true, but the loneliness is palpable. There are many facets to the feeling/problem. I need to have action in all realms of my life. I need to make room for self care for me. I need to carve this out of time that I don't feel exists at the moment. Nor do I feel worthy of that time. Time spent on anything besides work, kids, home and learning feels impossible. I need to learn how to do something different to make money, I need to spend time applying for jobs to be able to move, I need time to research articles or stories I want to write. I need to work at my job. I need to keep the house somewhat reasonably clean, I need to feed the kids, and interact with them, read to them, hug them and I refuse to carve me time out of this time. Somehow I am supposed to feel good about myself. Am I simply not managing my time well? I feel frozen. I guess I need to map out my time and create action, even if I don't want to. I don't want to fall deeper into this hole. I need to change my own thoughts, and decide I am worth my own time. How do I make myself go to the gym every day when I don't feel like I am worthy of that time spent? How do I put energy into something that feels like it is a waste of time, or could be used for something more worthwhile. How does a person decide their own worth? How does someone decide they are worthy of something, but not too much, not conceited or arrogant? self absorbed? to what extent am I worthy? who decides what I deserve and what I don't?