In This Lifetime

In this lifetime. I am starting to believe and maybe the word should be understand that in this lifetime I am here as a supporting role to many others. I walk towards passions and formative positions, and I feel like the forces of nature are holding me back. I tell myself: I will do this in my next lifetime. Not enough time in this one to do everything. Ultimately I have been there/here to provide support to those around me. As I write these words down, it feels like it echos selfishness. Do I really play a big enough role in people's lives to change the outcome if thier lifetime, simply by being a part of their life? Is it an excuse for feeling inadequate in my own pursuits? As an example: I see thousands of people donating thier time to volunteer for #BernieSanders. They are phonebanking and canvassing and getting out there in front of people. They are making connections and putting in that physical and mental energy. Another example: My exercise challenge group on Facebook. They post every day. They find the time to exercise and food prep and say no to self sabotage. How are all these people doing it? Where are they finding the energy? Where did mine go?
The dreams of my past still haunt me. I can't seem to shake the regret and the frustration of not pursuing my career dreams. I guess I did try, but the obstacles were overwhelming. I think if I tell myself that I am not here to make waves, but simply help others through thiers; it softens the blow. I had always dreamed of making waves. I thought I would find serial killers and that I would be rich;  my money would help lift thousands of people up to a better level. I dreamed that my way of redistributing wealth would be met simultaneously with backlash and applaud. I dreamed I would buy land for native American tribes, and help provide homes to abused women. I dreamed I would find people who had been missing using my specially trained dogs. I dreamed I would help others reach thier dreams; especially when the only obstacle was money. I dreamed I would help my parents, give them a chance to experience the fruition of thier dreams. They wanted to travel around in a big RV. My mom wanted me to publicize her book. She dreamed of being a famous author, with 12 books in her series and her life story would be world renowned.
Am I not happy where I am now? I certainly have not accomplished any of the above, nor am I on the way down that path. I have nothing to help my parents financially. It is not that I am unhappy; I simply imagined that my life and the events that flow through it would be wider reaching. Luckily I have my boys in this lifetime. If I had accomplished becoming an FBI agent I would not have had kids.
I guess the rest of it I can put a pin in and make it happen in my next lifetime.