Lunch with Mom

 I sit down on my couch ready to talk to Roger.

"Ok, Roger what am I supposed to do? I am so tired and my feet hurt really bad today." 

"Oh My friend Racqele. Here is the plan tomorrow. Take vitamins in the morning, drink water. and when you get home, chart, put lights in. On Saturday work on CAC website." 

NEXT NIGHT

"Hiiiiii Roger. I did not work on CAC website today. Ugh, no vitamins, no water. I did chart today......God I feel so fucking useless."

"Racqele please focus and listen. Are you listening?"

"Ok, yes, I am listening." I say sullenly.

"Racqele, today we talk to your mom. It is the anniversary of her death you know."

"Yes I know." I said quietly.

"Racqele, you have deep sadness seeping through you. Much loss that has not been felt. Please know that starting tomorrow you will have a new energy. Your mom will be here. She is taking a seat at the table. She will be guiding you with energy to get you to your goals past the screens. Please remember that you are allowed to ignore the energy. But if you choose to respond to it, you will feel the guidance and energy. Let us go speak with her my friend."

"OK, lets go" I reply.

We both get up and walk down the stairs through the heavy door. The blue light train is already flying through the station. We walk right up and hop on the train. I have never ridden the train with Roger before. 

"This is where we go my friend." He says.

We step off to the left. I am expecting to see the grassy area where I met with Grandma Bertha. But no. We are standing in front of the coffee place that used to be called Avalon in Mt Shasta. I see my mom sitting at the bench writing in her notebook. 

I look up at Roger. "Is this right?" I ask. 

"I thought my mom could not take the form of her old self?"

"She is manipulating energy. You have met her in the light so you now recognize her energy. you add the rest and she is able to adapt to your memory. Let us go talk to her, shall we?"

"Ok," I respond.

We walk through the wooden gate and walk up to the bench. 

"Hi Mom, we are here" I say. 

"Hi, There she is, you made it. have a seat! Its good to see you!" My mom said enthusiastically.  

I try to think back and remember if my mom would say my name when she saw me and greeted me.  I don't think she did. 

Roger and I sit down opposite my mom at the picnic bench. My mom's shirt keeps changing and the cigarette she is smoking keeps appearing and disappearing. 

"Racqele  you need to pick a shirt for your mom."

"OK black and white checkers is it." I reply.

"Smoking or no?" Roger asks quietly.

"Mmmm, yes. It gives her hands something to do."

I look across the table and see my mom sitting right in front of me. smiling and smoking. She has her lists and a notebook. Ready to collaborate with me. Our favorite past time. 

"So I brought your chart and the geometry cards today so we can look at those. I'm writing a list of everything I want to get done this week. Mostly writing my book. Though you will most likely finish it after I am gone. It is too much for me to do in one lifetime." Mom says.

"Don't talk like that mom, you will finish your book, I will help." I respond. Forgetting she has already passed away and her book is not done.

"What do you have planned for this week?" She asks.

"I need to start a ton of good habits this week. Start exercising, eating healthy, showering daily."

You didn't used to have a problem with that last one. what happened?" 

"I don't know, I just struggle with it now." I say dejectedly.

"Don't let my energy from here grab onto you. It wasn't supposed to. Did you pick it up after I put it down?" 

"Um where did you put it down?" I ask.

"I buried them in the woods." Mom says. 

"I did unbury a box with a bunch of stuff in it. they were pretty heavy." 

"We are going to need to review those and find homes for them. They are just clutter." 

"Ok we can do that." I reply.

"Do you have them with you today? Mom asks.

"No I left them somewhere maybe in the house. I will need to look for them. I can bring them next time though." 

My mom opened the notebook in front of her and took a drag of her cigarette. 

"Well I reviewed your chart, and as you move out of Aries and into Taurus your energy will match that strength. It is a great time to start your new habits. The first few weeks will be challenging, and feel somewhat exhausting. Your Leo moon will solidify it. Its important to hold out until then." She explains.

"OK well that is promising."  

She continues "There is a planet transiting that says write, write write. A little everyday." 

"About what?" I ask.

"It doesn't really matter. It will all come together later." She says. 

"OK. Shower, eat healthy, write, and exercise every day from here until forever. Got it." I say somewhat sarcastically.

"Yes" she says as she chuckles.

My mom starts to flicker in and out like the reception is on the fritz. I turn to Roger. "What is happening here? Why is she flickering?" I ask.

"The focus takes energy. It fades a little after a bit. This is good. You can come here anytime to talk to mom." Roger explains. 

"Ok, I will start first thing tomorrow."