Finding Mom

 I take a deep breath as I prepare for my journey with Grandma Bertha. She is confident that she can lead me to my mom so I can talk to her.

I walk down the stairs and open the heavy door at the bottom. The train platform is calm and warm with the sweet smell of honeysuckle. I take a deep breath in smelling the sweetness. I then step up to the edge of the platform and the white and blue light whooshes by at the same time I feel the rumble of its arrival. I step into the train and pause for a moment. I stick my hand out on the other side and before I feel grandma Bertha's hand I step off. She is standing there, arm outstretched. 

She chuckles, "so you are getting better at this my dear." 

She turns and starts walking towards the cabin before I have a chance to respond. I follow her to the porch and we both take our places in the rocking chairs. I am not really sure what to say so I just move my foot up and down and rock in the chair.

 Grandma Bertha chuckles again. "Do you not speak today my dear?" 

"Oh, I am sorry." I reply. "I am a little nervous today." 

"There is no need. are you ready to go look for your mom?"

"Yes," I say with a sigh. "What am I looking for exactly?"

"Well let us get up and explore and I will see if I can explain well enough. It might not be today, but we will look."

"Is my mom lost is that why we have to look for her?" I ask.

"No your mom just does not look like me and you. and you have not connected to people in energy or angel form. I do not know if you will be able to see her. but we shall try. Let us go."

 We get up off the porch and walk to the left. 

"We shall go straight back from the cabin and walk through the field and into the apple orchard." Says Grandma Bertha.

As we step away from the cabin for the first time I see the rows of flowering apple trees with rows and rows of trees.

"Please focus on each step for now. and the grass brushing against your legs and the feel of the sun on your forehead and face. The feel of the slight breeze pulling your hair away from your neck." Grandma says as we walk.

We stop at the entrance to the orchard. The flowers glow with white light barely discernible with the sun shining,

"Are those my mom?" I ask. 

"No, that is the energy in the flowers. It is good that you can see that." Grandma says.

I look at the tree trunks the have orange and red and white light flowing up the trunks now.

"What is that?" I ask.

"Their life force." Grandma replies matter-of-factly.

We step further into the orchard. I can feel the shade of the trees and the slightly cooler temperature of the orchard. There is still grass on the ground but not as high. A dog goes running through the field in front of us. 

"Is that my mom?" I ask, feeling like that book for little kids.

Grandma Bertha laughs and says no.

As we approach what feels like the middle of the field, there is a white ball of light. We both stop in front of it.

"This is her?" I ask.

"Yes this is your mom." Grandma says quietly. 

"Well she is fairly easy to see. She is showing up extra bright for you." Grandma says with a smile.

"I miss her." I say with my throat catching as I say it. I hear what feels like a faint voice in my head say "I love you."

But it honestly feels like it is my own thoughts.

"Mom, can you talk to me?" I ask. 

"Not in the way you are used to." I hear, faintly. like a whisper through the trees. 

"Can you show me how?" I ask.

"Not at this time, but you can come here to the apple orchard. You seem to hear me now."

Poof the white ball of light is gone.

I turn to Grandma Bertha and ask, "where did she go?"

"She is back to being an angel you will get better at this my dear. remember those things you dug up so long ago with your sister? They are still important and we will explore them. You have much careful planning to do, with follow up of action steps."

"Ugh, Grandma it is so hard not to just let myself be distracted by social media." I say dejectedly. 

"You must find a way to nurture the part that wants to be distracted."

"What part is that? I don't even know. I just feel frozen." I explain.

"You are feeling neglected. the most difficult part is that you are doing it to yourself.  you cannot shift everything over night. It is step by step. Your steps these last 4 days have done well. It is very important to take steps every day, but not all of the steps in one day. Please take some time tonight to complete your new work tasks and plan out the rest of this week. With measurable steps. Roger and I are here to help as you allow us to. Let us get you back home, my dear."