One. Moment in Time

I paused for a moment. I realized in that moment I was not where I thought I should be. A moment ago I was sitting on my couch in my living room, scrolling aimlessly through Facebook, and with a long blink I am here.

I look down, I'm standing on a concrete slab, with green rolling hills falling away from the edges. I am wearing black boots, a long red dress with short sleeves. I take a step forward and hear a scraping sound on the concrete next to me. I turn and look down at my left hand and realize I'm holding a long sword. I am dragging the tip of it on the ground. I look around me...I don't see anyone..It is light outside, but overcast.

I take a deep breath...wtf is going on...where am I? How the f**k do I get home?

I see someone walking towards me in the distance. It appears to be a man. He is wearing all black, and dragging a sword behind him. As he gets closer I wonder if I am going to have to fight this dude. I have no idea how to sword fight...my heart starts to race as the impending doom sensation starts to roll over me. This is the beginning of the end.
I shut my eyes for a second...am I dreaming? did I fall asleep on the couch? It didn't feel like it, and this didn't feel like a dream either.

The man stops at the edge of the concrete...too far to fight, but close enough to see him and hear him.

"You wanted to see me".. He said
"I don't know what you're talking about." I reply.
"You don't recognize me?" he asked
I shook my head.... "No" I replied. "I don't."
"It's not time." He said.
"Time for what?" I asked
"Time for me to be there." He said, as he raised his sword and pointed at the sky.
I look up behind at what he is pointing at.....through the clouds I can see me sitting on the couch...still on my phone.
I look back at him...."Who are you? why are we holding swords?"
"This was our last lifetime together, do you remember? It was here on this hill that we summoned the universe and asked for the vision of our lives. What it would look like. We saw dark thunder clouds and images...remember? they were scary and dark...we held each other and cried...it was then that we decided we would live the next lives apart from each other. We did not want to darken the love we had. Do you remember?" He asked again.
"I remember the decision...I don't remember here...when do I meet you? Why did I come here?"
"I brought you here to remember."....he stepped closer to me.
"Your sister told you today, to remember the feeling...the feeling we shared ...lifetime after lifetime."

"But this is not my home" I said..."I have kids and an ex, and work...and I haven't felt this for seven or eight lifetimes...how do I feel this and all of that? Why is it not time?" I asked.
He looked down at his feet....he took another step forward..I could see the features on his face now...I could see the tears in his eyes...."I'm not ready yet" He replied softly.
"I don't think I am either" I said softly.
He stepped closer again..If I reached out I could touch him.
He stepped in again, we embraced. I could smell him, the tears stung my eyes as I held him tight.
He stepped back..."I need you to stay in the light, so I can find you"  He said.
"I don't even know what that means" I said...
"I don't either...but I keep asking the universe to bring you to me..and it keeps telling me *You will find her in the light, keep looking into the light, she will be there*."
"OK" ..I said. "I will remember" ..
"And I will find you, I promise." He said.
He looked behind him, into the distance. He looked back at me.."I have to go, I'm sorry.."
he turned and walked away, dragging his sword along the concrete until it ended.
He disappeared into the distance.
I looked up at the sky, I could still see me sitting on the couch...I could see the image on the phone..I focused on it and in a flash, I was on the couch focusing on my phone again.
I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to hold onto the feeling I had...for a second..I could feel it. The warmth of a thousand lifetimes.

Night Lights

I am going to try an experiment... I often times tune in to things when I am driving or writing. So I am going to try writing, and on Saturday I will try it driving...Safely of course.


Today I am focusing on #MybestfriendIhaventmetyet I know it is not the right time to meet him, but I have faith he is out there. I don't know where, but that is OK too..


I start to rise up from my room up into the sky..I start to question what exactly I'm looking for. Am I looking for someone? Am I looking for a light that I feel good about? I float higher in the sky. Is he here in the city with me? Is he far away? I turn around in circles looking around. I see a light ...as I float to it...the energy is not comforting. I float past it and climb higher. I wonder if he is sleeping? Does his soul know mine is looking? Is his looking for mine? What will his soul do if he is looking for me? what will I say?
I can see all of Lake Tahoe, the mountains and the sea to west in the distance.  I stop and scan the ground. I can see a few lights floating above the ground swirling around their home. I look around some more. Will his soul be out here looking for mine?
 I rise higher into the sky. The city lights are gone, and the mountains look like bumps on the ground. I look out on the horizon. Not as many souls are floating around. Some are zooming around, some are like shooting stars. They can only be seen for a moment. 
I know if he is here, he will be doing the same thing I am...searching. I start to fly East as I look for the familiar light. It has been many lifetimes since we have danced in the beam of each others light. I see a light in the distance that shines brighter than others. I rush towards this orb of shining light. I stop in front of the light. I can see the image of who the soul belongs to. He looks at me bewildered and gives me a hug. I know at this moment he is just a friendly soul. I climb higher into the sky.
 The curve of the earth is now a complete crescent. I can see the light of the sun peeking on the horizon. I look around and there he is. The familiar glow that only his soul can produce. I fly to him, our souls swirl around each other as we become brighter together. We dance in the light of the sun on the horizon. We soared up higher and circled the world. We flew past the heat of the sun and back to the dark of the night.


I hear my alarm start to buzz .. in an instant I'm back in my room reaching for my alarm. I hit the snooze button and close my eyes again. I fly back up the edge of the sky and search for him. I stop and scan the sky. I cant find him anywhere. Searching for his light, and his comfort. The moment was so fleeting and quick. I let myself fall back to earth, no longer feeling the want to fly.

I feel the wind howling around me as I continue to fall. I feel the earth getting closer to me, I can feel my heart start to beat again. I take a deep breath and my alarm buzzes again. Back in my room again. I sit up in bed, and think to myself...When will I see him and feel him again. Will we meet face to face or only on the astral plane? We can always dance in the the light of the night, and dance in our dreams.

The Journey of our Souls

Many years ago they lived in the mist.
 They danced in light, and their souls shined their brightest when they were near to each other.
Never did either one stray far. The warmth of the light and their love surrounded them and anyone near to them. As they held each other tight, they knew the time was right. Their love was at it brightest. They had spent lifetimes together. In the mist of the heavens and on the land of this earth. Always together, only moments apart. As each lifetime passed they knew the time drew near. Time apart was the only way. Their souls had to learn some painful things. They chose to separate and learn while apart. Rather than risk damaging the love and the light that they shared. As the time drew near they held each other close. Confident that their souls would continue to shine bright enough; that after all was said and done, they would still find each other in the dark of night. They embarked on their journeys separate from each other for the first time in eons of lifetimes. As they both endured struggles and setbacks, they tumbled through lifetimes. Their souls still shined bright.  Many diminished souls drew close to share the light. After many lifetimes their souls bright light began to fade. They needed each other to stay that bright. Finally they arrived at this lifetime. They are both alright. They were sure that as they had done before, the searching would not be necessary. Their love and light would bring them together right from the start. Neither had realized the path
back to each other would be another struggle to overcome in this life. The other diminished souls; who remember them from before, still tried to latch on to gain some insight. Time has faded their memories, their souls were not as resilient as they had hoped. They continue to search for each other on this mother earth plane. So they can hold each close in the comfort of their light again. So their souls can heal again with renewed love and freedom. The knowledge they carry now will keep them together forever now. In the mists of the heavens and lands of this earth.

Thank You

So my sister says I should write a letter to my future partner.........lol I am doing this for her ...ahaha



Thank you for being you. Thank you for standing against racism with me. Thank you for understanding why I kneel for the anthem, and kneeling with me. Thank you for going on road trips with me and letting me sing with all the songs. Thank you for understanding what rape culture is and not participating in it. Thank you for going hiking with me, and going to the gym just so we can burn enough calories to go to a food festival. thank you for always finding humor in hard times. Thank you for loving and accepting my family even though they are not normal by society standards. Thank you for being my vault of my thoughts, fears, and dreams. Thank you for being a role model for my children. Thank you for showing them how to love a woman selflessly and respectfully. Thank you for showing me what love trully feels like. Thank you for being my best friend that I will always choose to be around above and beyond anything else. Thank you for giving me space to feel emotions and not marginalizing them. Thank you letting me love you with my whole soul. Thank you for wanting to learn how to rock climb with me..... and being willing to participate in everything that we can learn together. Thank you for staying true to you, and forcing me to stay me as we walk side by side through life. I might not ever meet you in this life time. But I love you anyway, wherever you are. I will still be true in the next life too. I would rather be alone than with someone other than you.

Love, Me